Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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