a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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