:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
