So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
