So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize