my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
