perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
