I must be too annoying 4 u.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
