wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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