ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
