I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
