I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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