hotel room ftw
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
