Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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