I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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