do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
