I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
