I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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