as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
