i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
