i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
