Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I didn't notice because vodka
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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