people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
