ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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