Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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