So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We talked him into tasing himself.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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