..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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