Whod you bang
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
