I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
