Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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