I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
