i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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