Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
please don't ironically join a cult
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