You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
All I want is dick and wine.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize