I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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