Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
