so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize