I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
