I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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