i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
