Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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