Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
