What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
