Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
