had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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