Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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