i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
