I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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