at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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