rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
