Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
sex in a hospital.. check
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
