I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's official drugs can't kill me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
