forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
