She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
