i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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