just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
