In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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