More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Enjoy the penises
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
