remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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