Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
