Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
