just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
