I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No more Irish car bombs ever.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
