We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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