peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
