I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
this will be a night to untag.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
