Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
