Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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