did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
pop tarts are not kleenex
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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