and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Holy sore nipples Batman
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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