Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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