found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
