Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
