I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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