I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw a hot homeless man
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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