you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Holy sore nipples Batman
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
