i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize