she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
