Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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