it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
