I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You ruined the universe
Randomize
