Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I supernannyed him into submission
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
