remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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