Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
