Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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