I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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