i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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