you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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