I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
