please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
