my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
