So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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